You Notice an Attractive Woman Across the Room; Here's What Happens Next:

Of all the social challenges we face as males, approaching available women has to be one of the most confusing. It's completely understandable that guys want to know the answer to "what do I say to her?"

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Should I say anything? Often when I work with clients, they ask very direct questions of this kind. While I always directly answer a question if I can, I may also suggest some other related and better questions before answering. Rather than asking "what should I say," I would raise the question "should I say something?" The answer is -- unequivocally -- "yes!"

Why It's not Smart to Just Stand There. You're wise to speak up to her because that's the only way to open the path to a conversation, a date, or a relationship. As egalitarian as we'd like to believe we are, for heterosexuals, the male is expected to initiate and keep on initiating. While there is such a thing as coming on too strong, more pairings have failed because he never said word one to her.
Each decision to say something creates a building block of social confidence. Every moment that we have the opportunity to interact and we rationalize ourselves out of it, our comfort zone shrinks a little. This social constriction may be hard to notice from day to day, but avoiding conversations lays down a habit that strengthens with every repetition. The good news is that the principle works in reverse: every time we decide to start the conversation, we grow our comfort zone, putting us in position to talk to even more people. And one of those could be Mrs. Right.

What if She Rejects me? If the conversation goes well, then I get to say "told you so!" (No, I wouldn't, actually.) But what if you get rejected, shamed or ignored? It could happen. Then what of my unequivocal "yes"? Rejection can hurt. Serious hurt. Bigtime. Unfortunately there's no sure way to a "yes" except through a long line of "no." The men who can gain a woman's acceptance are those that have heard a lot of "no" and kept on going.

Another question better than "what to say?" is "how to say it?". And by "how," I mean with what mindset, with what beliefs, and with what intentions? Mindset, beliefs and intention are each beefy subjects that require more space or time than I have left in this blog post. But getting them right is essential.

For my final alternate selection, I give you the question "what should I not say?" Definitely don't say anything that is, or even could be taken as a "pickup line." At best they can be mildly funny. At worst a pickup line can cast you in the role of a creepy manipulator. Ouch!

OK, but What...Do....I...Say? If all pickup lines are off the table, what's left to say? Something simple, genuine and friendly. You could say "Hi. My name is Gordon. What's yours?" And then pause, look in her eyes, and really listen to what she says back. There's your answer. That's what you say to her.

​What Do I Do Next? It's simple but not easy. If you find it terrifying to utter these words, don't fret. It's hard for a lot of us. And you don't have to face these situations unprepared. I specialize in helping guys shine in the critical moments where relationships start. I've got gobs of experience in the nuts-and-bolts of how to get through it. (Remember mindset, beliefs and intentions above?) Give me a call and we can get down to work on your social confidence and success!